Sometimes I hate my brain….

I get mad at the stupidest things and I recognize that, yet I cannot stop.

Just a bit ago, I basically sent a rant at a guy who was just trying to help me. He even went so far as to offer to teach me how to use Photoshop personally, so I could improve my video thumbnails on YouTube. He was being nice, and I of course, being me, went off and was an asshole. YAY ME.

Thing is, I have no “artistic vision”. I really don’t. Its not something I have the natural talent for. Now, yes, I could LEARN color theory, and composition, and all the other artistic tricks and tools but it would take years upon years to do it. People go to school for it, like one of my friends did. My wife has artistic talent honed and improved over years and years of practice. My buddies girlfriend went to school for it. Hell, even said friend has a natural skill at graphic design and has been drawing and doodling and designing for years.

I don’t have these skills.

I can look at something and think it looks cool, but that’s about as far as it goes. You ask me how I feel about their use of color or how I feel about the mix of shapes and tones and text and my response will be “Uhh…its neat!”

My talents lie in word, spoken and written. I admit, I am good at describing things, setting mood, scene, getting my points across and my thoughts out there. Not everyone can do what I can do with words. I am also exceptionally good at improv most of the time, and every video I record is done in one take, no script, completely improv. I just have a topic and some ideas in my head and I roll with it. Very few can do what I do naturally, and I have practiced for years with my jobs and my hobby of D&D to get here.

People are not all built the same way. Some can draw, some can paint, some can write fiction and prose. Some can sing. Some can dance. Some are really good at strategic thinking. Others are good at speaking.

And while practice and training over a long period of time CAN in fact help shore up the things you are not good at, a person who has a natural aptitude towards it will always be better if they do the same work.

For me, its sometimes an aggravation. When I tell someone that I just don’t really understand how to do something, its because I literally DON’T GET IT. I have been through mini painting classes for example, and could never get the concept of dry brushing and highlighting, while my buddy heard the term once and got it instantly.

I just DON’T GET ART STUFF. But people who do get it? People who do understand that stuff and have it come easily to them? A fair amount of them don’t understand how hard it is for others. Its like “Oh if I teach you the tools the rest will just come!”

No, it won’t. If I taught you the tools for how to run a D&D game, could you do it well? Right out the gate? No. I would have given you the technical skills but not the intangible ones. I wouldn’t have given you the years of experience in how to adapt to a situation, to deal with players who may not do what you expect. I would have given you the rule books and the worlds but none of the experience I have.

And if I had the time? Sure, I could sit down and study and read and learn how to do all these graphical design things. I could spend an hour with him learning Photoshop and maybe get the hang of the software, and then spend the next year trying to copy and learn how to do the same sorts of thumbnails everyone else does. But I don’t have that time. I am a working adult. YouTube is a hobby for me first and foremost, and what I lack in artistic skill with my thumbnail design, I make up for it in raw fucking entertainment.

Hell! My thumbnails, channel art, icon, and end cards? NONE OF IT WAS MADE BY ME. It was all made by the same guy I just got mad at! I just add text and pretty icons. That’s about it. He did the actual logo design and everything! I couldn’t replicate that if I tried for hours (and I actually have just to see if I could come up with new things).

I may not be good at much, but I am damn good at speaking and words. And if thats what I am gonna have to use to get by on YouTube and in life then that’s what I will use. Just don’t ask me to draw something.


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