Nightmares and Gnomes

The sun was shining overhead in the Shimmering Flats, and the ground was hard and slighty burning.  Several carrion birds flew overhead, and some of the large flats turtles trundled along.  Then, running across the hot baked earth came a basalisk, being chased by a large black Tauren in mail armor.  The basalisk tried its best to get away, but the Tauren simply charged it, and lopped its tail off.  The poor creature died there on the sand, its life bleeding from the huge artery that had been severed when its tail had been shorn off.  Then the poor creature, as it lay dieing, was gutted and ripped apart.  Finding a pair of boots from its last meal the Tauren squeled in delight.  “Shinies!  I found more shinies!”  The tauren was Stomphoof, the lover of shinies and all shiny objects.  He patted the now dead basalisk on the head, and then proceeded to skin the beast, all the while humming to himself “Finding shinies finding shinies lots and lots of shinies!  Shinies for you and me!!!!”

He stood up and dusted himself off after he had pocketed the leather from the basalisk, and looked around.  They flats were crawling with scorpids, basalisk, turtles, and vultures.  However, what Stomphoof say were walking shiny banks, as he had quickly discovered that the different animal parts could sell for shiny moniechips.  He had also discovered that the leather he could get from thier hides sold well in the auction house, which gave him even more shiny moniechips.  You see, Stomphoof had become a tauren obsessed with one thing: a Kodo.  He had been back to Bloodhoof, where he had been raised, and he had found out that if he practiced real hard, they would teach him how to ride a Kodo, IF he paid for one.  So he was saving up his shiny moniechips for a Kodo, and a riding lesson.  He had also learned that if he trained hard he could learn how to wear plate mail, which was even Shinier then his mail armor.  He had almost gone into shiny shock when he found that out.  So he was here, on the flats, trying to earn his keep.  Then, from his guildstone, he heard a voice whisper from it.  It was Fitzchivalry, or as Stomphoof called him, Mr FitzTauren.  “Hey Stomphoof!  Me and Oreet want to go to Gnomeragen, do you want to come?  They have lots of shinies!”  Stomphoof stopped dead in his tracks, and shouted in glee.  He picked up his guildstone and said into it “Oooo Yea!  Lets goooo!”  Stomphoof could hear a laugh from the stone.  “Well meet ussh in Booty Bay alright?  *hic*”  Stomphoof giggled and then began to run.  He ran across the flats at high speed, kicking up dirt and stone as his hooves pounded the ground.  And as he ran, he shouted out “For the Shinies!”

He reached Freewind Outpost in record time, leaping into one of the lifts as it went up.  He barely made it, hanging from it with his hands.  He hauled himself up, much to the amazement of a troll who was in the actual lift.  Stomphoof smiled, looked at the troll, the shouted out “You need more shinies!”  The troll looked at him quizzically, and Stomphoof giggled.  The lift reached the top of its journey, and Stomphoof ran out, leaving the troll to stare and wonder.  He ran straight to the Wind Rider, and shouted “To Orgimmar!  For the shinies!”  The wind rider master, and all the rest of the inhabitants of Freewind had come to get to know Stomphoof, and understood that he was simply a big loveable albiet stupid Tauren, and so they took it in stride.  He climbed on the back of the windrider and he was off, on his way to Orgimmar and then Booty Bay.

He reached Orgimmar, and then ran off and put some of his shinies up on auction.  He also sold all of those animal parts, which gave him even more shiny moniechips.  He then hopped back on a windrider and flew off to the Crossroads.  When he landed he caught a glimpse of an orc talking to that lady Segra Darkhorn, with much yelling about killing and giving and taking.  As the orc walked off he saw the white kitty, and giggled.  Stomphoof loved kitties, but was in a hurry so didn’t say another word.  He ran out of the Crossroads, across the barrens, and to Ratchet, where he waited patiently for the boat to Booty Bay to come.  He hummed a little song to himself as he waited.  “Gnomey’s Gnomey’s silly silly gnomey’s I am gonna get your shinies!”  Several of the goblins eyed the large tauren, not sure of what he was on.  Stomphoof continued to hum a bit, and waited patiently for the boat.  He kept singing the entire time, making it up as he went along.  By the time the boat showed up he had completely freaked out the nearby goblins.  They were relieved to see him get on the boat, and sighed in relief as the boat pulled away, on its way to Booty Bay.

The boat pulled into the harbour of Booty Bay, and Stomphoof didn’t walk onto the dock.  No sir, he dived into the water, with a cry of “Shiny Fishies!”  He swam for a bit, diving in and out of the water, much to the amusement of several nearby goblins who stood on the dock.  Then, when he surfaced again he noticed Oreet, sitting on the dock and fishing, as he was wont to do.  “Hiya Mr OreetTroll!”  Stomphoof yelled.

“Oh hiya Stompie!  How you be doing?”

“I am ok!  Where is Mr FitzTauren?”

Oreet shrugged as he reeled a fish in.  “I think he went for booze.”  Just then behind Oreet came up a huge bear, who was swaying slighty.  He burped a bit, and Oreet sighed and Stomphoof grinned.  Stomphoof climb up onto the dock like it was nothing, and shook himself dry.  Oreet covered his face, and Fitz just burped again, and trundled over to this odd goblin with a transporter.  He shifted back to Tauren form and called Oreet and Stomphoof over.  “Get over here you two…”  He slurred slighty and swayed a bit, and took another drink.  “Letsh go…” and without another word jumped into the strange machine, and vanished.  Stomphoof and Oreet glanced at each other, and then spoke to the goblin.

“Can’t let ya use the teleporter till I calibrate it for ya!”

“Whats that mean?”  Stomphoof asked.  Oreet nodded.

“Gotta take your measurments and make sure that I set it to use ya!  Don’t worry, I have only blown it up once…or twice…or five times.”

Stomphoof grinned and nodded, while Oreet eyed the goblin.  The goblin then went to Stomphoof first, writing down thing on a clipboard, then to Oreet, doing the same thing.  He then went over to the machine and started hitting some buttons.  The machine began to flash and whirl and then spit two objects out.  The goblin handed one to Stomphoof and one to Oreet and began to speak.

“Now these devices will take you to and from the transporters.  There is the one here, and there is one in Gnomeragen.  You can use them to bounce back and forth.”  Oreet nodded, then glanced over and Stomphoof.  He was amused to find that Stomphoof had not been listening at all.  He had been staring at the shiny and colourful buttons.

“This machine is shiny!  And this is a shiny stick!”  The goblin looked at Stomphoof like he was crazy, and Oreet laughed, and cast Holy Nova, which caused Stomphoof to dance and jump around while shouting “Sparkly Shinies!”  After a few more moments, Oreet walked over and motioned for Stomphoof.  “Come on big guy, lets go see the shinies in the Gnomey place.”  Stomphoof nodded, and before anyone could react literally jumped into the transporter, and vanished from view.  Oreet soon followed.

Stomphoof found himself in a big place, covered in metal, and very shiny.  Stomphoof squealed with delight as Oreet came into view.  However, Fitz was nowhere to be seen!  Looking around, the two adventurers began to notice a trail a dead bodies.  Following them, they found Fitz, in bear form, swaying and fighting a whole bunch of gnomes.  Stomphoof shouted out “For the Shinies!” and ran right into the fray, his two blades swinging furiously around as he began to rip into several of the gnomes.  Fitz was already mauling two of them between his jaws, thier screams could be heard up and down the strange depot that the three adventurers stood in.  Oreet stood back, his wand firing into the head of another.  Thus the three men began thier advance into the gnomish city.  Each group of gnomes was summarily slaughtered.  They eventually found themselves in a huge open chamber, with hundreads of little green gnomes running around.  Oreet looked over at the two other people and simply asked “Hey, do we have any idea were we be going?”  Stomphoof shook his head, a huge grin on his face.  “This place is strange!”  Fitz swayed a little to the side but shook his head.  Sighing, Oreet nodded.  They continued thier work, killing the gnomes that bothered them.  Finally they found a room, and within it was a robot.  For Stomphoof, this was a huge treat.  He saw it and squealed outloud “Its a moving Shiny!!!!”  Before the two of them could stop him, he ran into the room.  Fitz however got there first, and the robot began to hit the big tauren druid.  Stomphoof couldn’t understand why the shiny robot was doing this, as it also spouted out things like
“I love you!” and “Come here if you are confused about things!”  Oreet began to use the healing shinies on Fitz, and Stomphoof sighed.

“Your a mean shiny!” Stomphoof shouted, and began to attack from behind.  Between the three of them the robot soon fell.  Stomphoof stood over the now broken shiny, and a tear fell.  “Why was the shiny mean?”  Fitz shifted into druid form, and spoke.

“I don’t know kid.  But I have heard that these here gnomes have all sorts of things like this one.”

Stomphoof nodded, then spoke.  “I don’t think I like this place.  It has mean shinies.  Its bad!”  Oreet and Fitz nodded, and they left.  They went back to where they started, and followed the other path, this one taking them down into a large room with a huge gear in the middle.  The stench of radiation assailed thier noses, and Stomphoof gagged.  “This place smells funny!”  Fitz and Oreet nodded thier agreement, and they continued thier way around the upper level, killing the filthy little leper gnomes that got in thier way.  By the time the three of them had made thier way around halfway, they were each covered in gore and blood and bits of gnome.  They quickly realized there wasn’t an easy way down.  Stomphoof glanced over the edge and made a face.  “There is goop down there!  Its not very shiny either.”  Oreet nodded, and then watched as Fitz, who had just taken a huge swig from his flask, cackled and leapt off the edge.  “Hey mon whatchu be doin!?”  Shouted Oreet as Fitz fell to the ground in Bear form.  He hit the ground with a thud and then proceeded to maul several of the oozes.  Oreet sighed and said “Looks like we gotta go down der Stompie.”  Stomphoof looked down and then back over to Oreet.

“But its a long way down!”

“I know Stompie..but I can make sure your fine!”

“Ummm ok…”  Without another word Stomphoof leapt off, Oreet following him down.  They landed with a thud, and then they saw it.  A large green moving [i]something.[/i]  It looked like those blue voidwalkers, or at least thats what Stomphoof thought.  However it was a bright green, and very angry looking.  Fitz growled deep in his throat, and Oreet narrowed his eyes.  “That be part of da corruption here mon.”  Stomphoof nodded.

“Is that one of the things that made the shinise bad?”  Fitz growled again, and then shifted into cat form, and vanished.  Oreet nodded and kept an eye on the green creature.

“I tink so Stompie..”  Before Oreet could say another word, Stomphoof’s eyes had gone red.  “I don’t like that…”  And then he charged, right at the green viscous elemental.  The creature didn’t speak, it didn’t seem to have a mouth, and it took the bulk of Stomphoof full force in the face.  From behind appeared Fitz, clawing at its back like a madcat, and Oreet began to assualt the creature with holy fire.  The battle took mere moments as the creature found itself being torn apart from all sides, Stomphoof furiously cutting it apart, Fitz clawing it apart, and Oreet burning it with holy powers.  Finally it was over, the creature nothing more then a small puddle on the ground.  Stomphoof stood over it and then said, in complete seriousness “You were not shiny enough!”  Fitz meowed and shifted back to cat form and took another swig from his flask.  “Your right kid, he wasn’t.”

“Hey guys!  There is a path over there.”  Oreet said, pointing over to the strange tunnel that lead out from where they stood.  Walking forward, they began to walk down the side of the tunnel, which appeared to be some sort of railway.  Along the way, they found a strange little robot with a red light on its head.  It saw then, and began to shout out “Intruder alert Intruder alert!”  Fitz was quick to Moonfire it, and none of the strange guards on thier strange mechanical birds seemed to hear it.

“I think it best if we take those out as we see em.”  Oreet said, and Stomphoof and Fitz simply nodded.  The three continued thier slaughter, working thier way down deeper through the tunnel.  And then they came to a strange room, with a huge platform in the middle.  Stomphoof glanced up and saw a sign but couldn’t read it.  Oreet and Fitz seemed focused, so Stomphoof said nothing.  They worked thier way around the upper level, and found themselves facing a ramp.  On the ramp they could hear a strange mechanical clinking noise, as if something was moving.  Fitz shifted back into druid form briefly to say “I go first” then shifted back into bear form.  Oreet nodded, then glanced over and Stomphoof, who was busy looking around the room at all the not so shiny shinies.

“Stompie, let Fitz go up first.”

“Ummm ok!  This place could be so shiny, and yet its not!”

Oreet nodded, and then smiled.  “Dem gnomes did it.”

“Mean old gnomes!  Ruining shinies like this!  I don’t think I like them.”

Oreet said nothing and watched as Fitz trundled up the ramp.  Soon the sounds of a bear roaring could be heard, and both Fitz and Stomphoof charged up the ramp.  What they found themselves facing, was yet another strange robot.  It looked like a spider and had a goblin driving it.  It spit out little bursts of electricity and seemed to be guarding a couple of consoles.  It was focused on Fitz, and did not see Stomphoof charge it from behind.  “Your a bad shiny!”  Oreet blasted it with some shadowy spells, and a burst of holy fire.  Fitz kept it angry and focused on him, and between the three of them it went down quickly.  Stomphoof shook his head sadly again.  “Another bad shiny.  These gnomes are bad!”  Fitz growled and nodded his bear head, and Oreet smiled.  “Just think Stomphoof!  We are cleaning this place up!”

“I know Mr OreetTroll…  I know..”  Stomphoof looked genuinely upset, and they walked off the platform and climb down the sides to the lower level.  Once there, they contended with several more of the strange little robotic creatures that roamed the halls.  With each one destroyed, Stomphoof simply sighed a sad sigh.  Oreet and Fitz kept an eye on the young, and usually happy Tauren.  It seemed that Gnomer was starting to wear down on Stomphoof.  They cleared the area below the strange platform, and spotted a passageway that lead down.  They began to slowly work thier way down the left hand edge, and thats when they began to encounter them.  Dwarves.  Dark Iron Dwarves were roaming the halls of the Gnomish city.  Fitz changed into cat form and let a hiss out, and Oreet sighed.  “Great,” he said, “Dwarves.  Just what we be needin.”  Stomphoof narrowed his eyes, and grunted.  “These guys are probebly the problem, the ones who messed up the shinies!”

“That they are Stomphoof.  Them, or that crazy gnome Thermaplugg.”

Fitz hissed again at this, and Oreet glanced at him before continuing.

“I heard that the gnomes did something down here, and it caused some problems.”  Stomphoof nodded, and they turned and began to slaughter thier way down the left side of the path.  To their right was a trench, which they ignored.  After they had dealt with the third group of dwarves, they heard it.  “Intruder Alert Intruder Alert!”  They couldn’t see it, and before the three knew it, a vertible army of dwarves, ran up from behind and cut them down.

———————————————————————–

Stomphoof awoke in the spirit plane first, and began to run back to where he could sense his corpse.  He was not a happy Tauren now.  Those mean old dwarves had put him and his friends down, and that made him…angry.  Behind him he could hear the soft beat of the spectral feet of Fitz and Oreet.  He ran, hard and fast, through the snowy expanse of the dwarven lands, making a beeline for the front door of the gnomish city.  He quickly found the elevator and went back down, and then found his body had been placed out front.  He reenetered it, and grumbled.  “Mean old Dwarves.”  Fitz and Oreet soon joined him, and they found that most if not all of what they had done had been undone.

“Great,” mumbled Fitz, “Just great.  More of em.”

“We can be doin dis mon.  We did before.”

“For the poor misguided Shinies!”

The three then charged back in, and through the gnomes and troggs, leaving a trail of bodies in thier wake.

———————————————————————–

It didn’t take the three very long to reach that dreadful tunnel.  They were amused and a bit annoyed to find that the dwarves had gone back to thier stations, and they could see that annoying alarm robot trundling its way down the trench.

“That must be the mean shiny!”  Stomphoof pointed out.  Fitz mearly growled in his bear form, and Oreet scowled.  “That was not fun.”  Stomphoof agreed, and the three of them began to walk the trench, hugging the right wall, and dealt with each group of dwarves they encountered.  Finally, they made it to the end of the trench, and they saw it.  A huge doorway.  Behind the door a rumbling could be heard, as if something large was running about.  Oreet looked around for a moment, then smiled and called out “I found a lever.”  Fitz nodded while in bear form, and Stomphoof smiled.

Oreet motioned for everyone to move back, and they did, and he hit the lever.  The door slowly opened up and behind it they saw 4 guards, and Stomphoof made an “ooooooo” sound.  There sat, in a huge mecha monstrosity, Thermaplugg.  Oreet called Fitz and Stomphoof over for a little discussion.  He even dropped his trollish accent so that Stomphoof would understand him better.

“Ok guys, this guy is supposed to have bombs that attack us..or so someone told me.”

“Are they shiny?”  Stomphoof asked.  Fitz grunted.

“No Stomphoof, they are bad shinies that will hurt us.  I need you to hit the big red buttons to stop them.”  Oreet pointed, and Stomphoof could make out the big red SHINY buttons, and smiled.  “Ooook!”  Oreet then turned to Fitz.

“I want you Fitz to keep his attention, and me and you will deal with him.  First however, lets deal with the guards.”  The other two nodded, and as a group the three turned and faced the guards, who seemed oblivious to them.  Oreet called up on his holy shinies and cast it forward, causing a huge bolt of fire to come down and strike one.  The battle was joined almost instantly, and over just as quickly.

Then they faced Thermaplugg.  He stood in the middle of his chamber, looking towards the back, facing away from the hardy adventurers.  Fitz immediatly charged in, followed by Oreet with his shadow and light magics.  Stomphoof immediatly ran for the first button that light up and hit it, but missed the second, seeing a huge bomb tumble out of the strange pipes mouth.  It came over to Ol Stompie and exploded, singeing his fur and making him grumble.  Every so often he would hear the fight, and Thurmapluggs ranting and raving like the madgnome that he was.  Finally, he heard a smash, and turned to see the robot down, the body of Thermaplugg laying on the ground, its throat ripped out.  He watched as Fitz spit the chunk of flesh out, and the went over and examined the robot.  There seemed to be a bit of it that was shieldlike, and was VERY shiny, so Stomphoof took it.

The rest of the city was summarily cleaned out.  They dealt with another robot eventually, which dropped its huge mace.  This was given to Stomphoof as well, because it was so very shiny.  Eventually they made thier way out.

“That was fun!”  Oreet said.  Fitz grinned and nodded.

“I hate that place.  Those mean old gnomes are gonna give me nightmares.”  Stomphoof said.  The three of them walked off, into the transporter, and back to Booty Bay.

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